A Logan-inspired post

I was cleaning out old e-mail, and this thing that someone sent me in 1998 was still there!

Grammar is important

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally...
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Why I don’t shop at Wal-Mart

In honor of the release of the documentary WAL-MART: The High Cost of Low Price, I thought I’d tell you why I don’t shop there. I mean, NOW it’s because of all those socio-political reasons, such as them driving out small business and exploiting workers, but the ORIGINAL reason was much more prosaic.

In 1994, I was separating from a significant relationship. I needed stuff, lots of that basic household stuff- kitchen utensils, bathroom items, a few household goods. So I went to the only Wal-Mart then in the area, in something called the Crossgates Common (or Commons). I must have spent over $90. It was only after I got home on the bus that I realized that I was missing a bag of material. I immediately called the store and they confirmed that, yes, I had left a bag at the register. It was five minutes before closing, so I told the person that I’d be back the next day at a specific time. I was told the package would be in the manager’s office.

The next day, I went to said Wal-Mart, and went to the office, only to be told to wait a few minutes, which turned out to be a half hour. Then I was told that the manager would be there shortly. That turned out to be another 30 minutes. Finally, I was told that they couldn’t find the bag, and that I could just pick up the stuff again. How I wish they had said that in the first place. So I wandered through the vast store again and found most of what I had gotten before or something comparable, but it took me nearly as long as the original trip. This so annoyed me that I vowed never to go again.

Subsequently, I learned more about how Wal-Mart has interfered with their employees’ lives and whatnot. But my original complaint is that they over-promised and under-delivered. In other words, bad customer service.

Now, the only time I ever step foot in a Wal-Mart is with some relative of mine (mother, sister, in-law). One of my sisters can tell you the the best Wal-Marts within 100 miles of the NC/SC border.
But I won't spend a dime. No, that’s not true. We got a $25 gift certificate from Wal-Mart as a present for Lydia, and the items ended up costing $25.72. So, in the past ten years, I’ve spent nearly a dollar at Wal-Mart, over seven cents per year.

Techno-links

I get an e-mail weekly from e-week magazine. Sometimes it's a lot of technobabble for this poor Luddite, but the batch today caught my attention, and might be helpful or interesting to you:

Xbox 360 Crashes, Defects Reported

Xbox 360 Review

Ten to Avoid—the Worst Products of 2005

Firefox 1.5 REVIEW

Free Show Cuts HDTV Confusion

TiVo Handheld Device Software Draws Ire at TV Network

Supreme Court to Hear eBay Patent Appeal

Malicious Keyloggers Run Rampant on Net

Cyber-crime Yields More Cash than Drugs

REVIEW: Royal Albert Hall: London 2-3-5-6 2005-Cream

Pretty much from the beginning, I was a fan of the group Cream. From junior high, when my good friend chastized our history teacher for referring to the group first as Fresh Cream (the title of the first album), then The Cream. "No, it's Cream, just Cream!" Well not "just" Cream, but a remarkable powerful sound coming from just three players.
The group really took off with the second album, Disraeli Gears, which featured "Sunshine of Your Love", subject of the trivia question below. Unfortunately, the group was together for only 4 albums (all of which I owned and own) and about three years. (I'm not counting the posthumous stuff.) Much of that small body of work was live, half of the double album Wheels of Fire and 3 of the 6 songs on Goodbye Cream.

I felt excitement and not a little trepidation when I heard about new Cream music. Royal Albert Hall turned out to be both. I know "I'm So Glad", the 9-minute anthem from Goodbye Cream, practically note-for-note. The RAH version, while good, simply would not compare, would it? No, and the next track, the oft-recorded "Spoonful" didn't meet my impossible standards either. But as I listened on, I found the album turned out to be rather enjoyable. And on subsequent listens, even those tracks I knew so well in different incarnations took on a pleasurable tone for me. In fact, the only thing I could have done without is the 10-minute drum-laden "Toad", but I wasn't into extended drum solos in 1968, either.

So, if you're very much versed in the Cream sound as I am, you'll find the package to be good, but for those who didn't grow up with the music, and I've talked to some of my younger office colleagues, they are blown away by the collection.

I'm guessing the American reviewer is younger than the Canadian one.

Well, that was what I thought of the CD. For the DVD, I had a totally different feeling: I loved it. Maybe it's the knowing nods the bandmates give each other, but this concert is definitely better seen and heard than just heard. I can only compare it, strangely, with the 1960 Presidential debate. People hearing the debate on radio thought Nixon had won the debate, but TV viewers thought it was Kennedy who was victorious.

We're talking largely about the very same music, though the DVD has an extra song and revealing interviews that show the origin of the reunion. My advice: see it first, THEN listen.

You may also be interested in the Cream media player, where you can see some of the Cream videos here.
***
Now for the rest of the story. I get this e-mail that reads:

Hi,

I just found your blog: http://rogerowengreen.blogspot.com/2005/09/my-darth-tater-contest-selection.html and I think you may be of some help to me. I'm reaching out to you on behalf of M80 & Rhino regarding Cream London Royal Albert Hall CD and DVD. Since you are a fan of The Yardbirds, I thought that you might be interested in posting the press release and/or an entry on your blog? You seem like a reputable influencer, and I love your blog, so I think you'd be a big help to us

Please let me know if you're interested!

Thanks!

I'm thinking it might just be spam, but then I reread it. He found a post I wrote about a CD I sent to Lefty. An innovative way to get the word out.

"A reputable influencer?" Yikes!
So, I wrote back, was sent the first review copies I've received since I got some comics in the 1980s.

Got stuff for me to review? I'll promise to review it. (Won't promise to like it, though.)
***
Now, for a trivia question: The guitar break in "Sunshine of Your Love" is swiped from what song which was a hit many times since 1949, and reached #1 in 1961? (Block the BLANK space for the answer.)

Blue Moon, recorded by (according to Whitburn):
Mel Torme (#20, 1949)
Billy Eckstine (#21, 1949)
Elvis Presley (#55, 1956)
The Marcels (#1, 1961)
Herb Lance (#50, 1961)
The Ventures (#54, 1961)

Lost

There were two men of note who died last week, very different. The thing they had in common in my mind is that I watched them on television a lot.

Noriyuki "Pat" Morita played Arnold on Happy Days. Most of the Asians I saw on TV were servants. Sammee Tong playing "helpful, but often inscrutable Oriental houseboy" Peter Tong to John Forythe’s Bachelor Father (1957-1962). Victor Sen Yeng played the often befudled cook Hop Sing on Bonanza (1959-1973). Miyoshi Umeki played Mrs. Livingston, Tom’s (Bill Bixby) "dependable…. but sometimes confused housekeeper" on The Courtship of Eddie’s Father (1969-1972). (Quotes from the Brooks and Marsh "Directory to...TV Shows".)
I watched some Happy Days reunion show on Nick at Nite recently, and one of the clips was of "Arnold" saying something like "Does this face look like an Arnold?" Well, no, but it was an Asian face that stood up for himself, to Richie and his pals, even the Fonz, at least that year (1975-1976) when he was first on, and I was watching. He left the show to star in the short-lived "Mr. T. and Tina," then returned in 1982 to Happy Days at a point I had stopped watching.
Later, he would become the first Asian-American nominated for an Academy Award for The Karate Kid, losing to Dr. Haing S. Ngor for The Killing Fields.

The other person was Hugh Sidey, who covered nine Presidents for Time magazine, and I’m sure I’ve read his words often. But I knew him best for being a panelist on a news program called Agronsky and Company. Not only must I have watched it a lot, it must have been well-known that I watched it a lot, for Raoul Vezina made me a birthday card referencing the fact, sometimes in the early 1980s. Martin Agronsky was the moderator, Carl Rowan was the guy who was left of center, James Kilpatrick represented the right of center, and Hugh Sidey was generally the centralist. (There were others over the years.) They seldom talked over each other, talking louder to make their point. It was all rather civilized. They, particularly Sidey, were gentlemen, in the traditional sense. It was though other opinions actually MATTERED. A period largely lost in televised discourse.

And in other media news, expect an interesting wiriters' strike.

Finally, I REALLY want to know: who ARE the 29% of Americans who still think Dick Cheney is honest and ethical?

A Plan B Thanksgiving

The Plan A Thanksgiving involved getting up early on Thanksgiving morning, packing up the car to ride five hours to central Pennsylvania. That’s five hours of driving time. With a not-yet-two year old, one should calculate at least two stops.

Lydia would get to see her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins with whom she’d get to play. Perhaps on Friday someone would watch Lydia so that Carol and I could go to the movies. It certainly would involve board games such as Scrabble.

On Saturday, we would be driving back the five hours plus back to Albany.

But Lydia was under the weather, and so was I (although I didn’t want to press this point, since it was Carol’s family that she’d want to see). But those factors plus a dodgy forecast of snow, not so much for where we are as much as where we were going, killed the deal.

The Plan B Thanksgiving: Roger goes to the store to buy a 10-12 pound fresh turkey on Thursday morning. There are NO 10-12 pound turkeys; there are only 15-16 pound turkeys at $1.69 a pound and a 20 lb. turkey at 89 cents a pound. (If you do the math, the bigger bird is cheaper.) Plus buy cranberry sauce, stuffing (Stove Top, in honor of its inventor, who died recently), and various other accoutrements; Carol makes most of the meal, while I watch Lydia. I manage to see the entire first half of the Dallas/Denver football game while Lydia napped, and saw most of the fourth quarter and the OT after dinner. (Dallas lost! Yay!) I clean up/put away/take out the garbage.

Friday, I manage to catch up on newspaper reading, much of my television viewing. While we trade off watching Lydia.

Saturday: I watched enough recorded TV so that the DVR which was at 98% full two wweeks ago, and over 70% even last week, is down to zero by the end of Saturday. Likewise, I read the Thursday through Saturday newspapers on the actual day they came out.

So, all in all, it wasn’t a bad Thanksgiving, not what he had envisioned. Lydia likes pickles and cranberry sauce, but would not eat beans and turkey, which she had previously liked. That was Lydia’s second Thanksgiving.

The Lydster Part 20: Filling my shoes

I remember walking around in my parents’ shoes when I was 4 or 5. (How DO women wear high heels, I’ll never know.) I wasn’t aware that kids started doing "dress up" as young as Lydia is. She’s been regularly wearing the shoes of her mother and me for a couple months now. It’s amazing how well she maneuvers in them.

She also wears my gloves

and other apparel.

She's understood language for months, but she's really increased her spoken vocabulary a great deal in the last month. I'm particularly pleased that she likes to say "thank you"; may it always be so.

It's starting to hit me, just a little, that "how they grow so fast" thing that every parent I've ever met has told me, almost always unsolicited.

Happy 20 months, Lydia. Daddy loves you.

Too full to post

American Indian and Alaska Native Heritage Month -November 2005

Black Friday, a day I avoid shopping like the plague. It's not a political thing, it's more agoraphobic, not in daily life, but shopping in the mall:
Fear of being alone-NO
Fear of losing control in a public place-YES
Fear of being in places where escape might be difficult-ABSOLUTELY
Becoming house bound for prolonged periods-SOMETIMES
Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others-OCCASIONALLY
Feelings of helplessness-YES
Dependence upon others-YES
Feeling that the body is unreal-OH,YEAH
Feeling that the environment is unreal-WELL, IT IS, ISN'T IT?
Anxiety or panic attack (acute severe anxiety)-OCCASIONALLY
Unusual temper or agitation with trembling or twitching-TEMPER AND AGITATION, YOU BETCHA
There hasn't been a sale created that will get me into a retail establishment today.

November 25th

Roger Owen Green's Abecedarian List of Things I'm Thankful For

It's Thanksgiving. What am I thankful for? This post was stolen, including the key word in the title from Tom the Dog, but he possibly purloined it as well from this Thanksgiving 2004 post:

Allen, Woody, the movies of. It is truly scary how much "Annie Hall" paralleled my life. Or my life paralleled "Annie Hall".
Beatles, The. Collectively and individually.
Cats. I grew up with cats. Haven't had one in about 20 years, but cats and I get along.
Donors, blood. The need is always great. In my experience, the Red Cross people are trying to make the process more efficient. Last time I donated, I was in and out in 30 minutes, from reading the instructions to the health history to the actual donation (5 minutes) to juice and cookies. Your experience may vary. Next time, I get my 14 gallon pin; so now you know- I only donate for the fancy jewelry.
Emmy" night. I'm a sucker for the "old line" awards shows. It isn't who wins or loses, it's how they win (or lose) that's fun. That and reading the grousing about how so-and-so should have won.

Family and friends. Carol and Lydia. The Greens in Charlotte. The Greens in San Diego. The Powells. Mark K. Mary R. My fellow librarians. The folks at my church. My racquetball buddies. Those strange blogger buddies I've only met electronically through Hemby. It's like the awards shows: when you start naming folks, you risk leaving important people out.
Gilmore Girls. Probably my favorite show right now. Sure it's a soap opera but so is Arrested Development and 24. My favorite scene from last season involved Bible-thumping, rock-n-roll-hating Mrs. Kim arranging a rock tour for her daughter Lane; so out of the blue and yet consistent.
Hell- before there was the iconic Homer Simpson ever aired, there were a series of strips that eventually were turned into a series of books by Simpsons creator Matt Groening called Life is Hell, Love is Hell, etc. that I related to greatly.
Ice cream- the good kind. when I was a kid, my mom bought the store brand. Now, I can taste the difference between the good stuff and the crap.
Jennings, the late Peter. As a result of the death of my favorite newsperson of recent years, ABC News is doing a month-long series called "Quit to Live", aimed at understanding the tobacco consumption phenomemon from a variety of angles.
Kelley, David E.- his quirky shows, from Picket Fences to Boston Legal, have entertained, and occasionally infuriated me. He's married to

this woman, for which I imagine he is thankful.
Librarians are wonderful people.
Massage- I need to get another one soon. One of life's great pleasures.
New York-it's a schizo state: upstate/downstate tensions with Long Island in both camps, oddly shaped. My sense is that most people think only of the buildings of New York City, but we've got farms in this state.
Oscar night- I can enjoy it even when I've seen few of the films. Watch it more on tape these days.
Pasta- as my old pappy, the great Italian chef Leslio Verdi, once said, "It's all in the sauce." You cook it it a LONG time. For instance, the sauce for lasanga should be cooked for at least four hours on the stove BEFORE it goes in the oven.
"Question authority"- whoever came up with THAT one got it right, especially these days.
Racquetball -sport of the gods.

Saturn- my favorite planet. When I was about nine, my father painted the solar system on my bedroom ceiling. One of the coolest things he ever did for me.
TiVo and other technologies that make life easier.
Utopia: It's good to have a vision of what's better than what we have.
Valentine, Saint. It's not so much the hearts and flowers and chocolate and cards that I appreciate; it's that there was a person (or persons) who lived whose loving acts now mean that the very name can inspire the giving of hearts and flowers and chocolates and cards.
Weather-we have it here in Albany. We've had snow, followed by 70 degree weather this fall, then rain. It's beginning to snow today. It ain't always 72 and sunny, and that's good. "Builds character," I've been told.

X-Men comics- not so much for the comics themselves, though I enjoyed them well enough at the time. When I sold the bulk of my collection, the increased value of X-Men 94-150 and GS 1 made it worthwhile to get rid of. I lived on that money for a couple months. (Comic cover courtesy of Comic Covers.)
Young, Neil - with and without his various compatriots.
Zen- I don't practice it, but I'm glad some folks do.

A Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

I Dream of Geena

When I feel a little unwell, I tend to have very vivid dreams. One dream last night was of me in a bus, about 3/4s of the way back. The bus has no driver and is careening out of control, but I manage to stop it from my seat (mentally?- shades of Professor X) by directing it up a rocky incline, where it comes to a stop.

Another dream I had was one in a series I call the Television Episode Continuation or TEC dream. This involves watching a TV show just before I go to bed and the story from the show continues, this time with me in it. This used to happen a lot when I used to watch "Cagney and Lacey," for some reason, usually the domestic stuff between Harvey and Mary Beth Lacey. Last night, I watched a taped episode of "Commander-in-Chief" from about a month ago, and I found myself inside Mac's White House, discussing strategy about the Russians. It's only the third time I've seen the show, and while I like it well enough, it's not my favorite show or anything.

If I were casting my life story, Geena Davis would definitely play my wife. Carol's hair is darker, but they are both very tall. That doesn't explain, though the TEC phenomenon.

Anyway, I'm a little better now, not racquetball-playing better, but "go-to-work-and get-rid-of-192-emails-and-7-phone-messages" better.

Telecommunications: Internet

You know when people tell you to do something, and you recognize that it is a good and reasonable thing to do, yet you fail to do it? Well, that's what I did when I got my Road Runner Internet connection. Not only the techie from work, Mark, but also my mother-in-law suggested that I needed to get a firewall. I knew I needed a firewall. It was something I knew to get before they told me. And yet it didn't happen.

When it was first connected, on September 6, it was SO fast, much faster than the dial-up we've been suffering with for the past two or three years. I was a happy camper.

Then one day about a month ago, there was an invasion so virulent that not only did it slow down my Internet connection, I couldn't even open Word documents or games. So I disconnected the RR connection, and got some McAfee software. But trying to rehook the Internet connection failed for reasons that are beyond my Luddite capacities.

Ultimately, I had to get my old friend Mark (not to be confused with co-worker Mark) to come up to Albany from down near New Paltz to try to fix the problem. His quick fixes showed that I had at least nine spyware attachments and one virus, but it didn't solve the problem, and he ended up having to wipe my hard drive and reloading Windows and other software, plus anti-spyware protection, virus protection, and a firewall.

The cool thing is that I got to see him and his wife and daughter, and we all went out to a Middle Eastern restaurant for a fabulous meal.

So, the obvious lesson, get protection. Why does that sound slightly sordid?

Bridget Loves Bernie

As I’ve mentioned, the networks have all but abandoned Saturday night. Last week, I was talking to one of my colleagues at work about a TV show called "Bridget Loves Bernie". It started Meredith Baxter, later of Family Ties, and David Birney. (Birney played Bernie – how CUTE.) I recalled that it was a show on that powerhouse Saturday night CBS lineup for the 1972-1973 season.
At 8 was All in the Family, the number 1 show the previous season, that season and the next three.
At 8:30 B Loves B, the number 5 show for the season
At 9, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, in at #7.
At 9:30, it was The Bob Newhart Show, at #16.
Bridget Loves Bernie was the highest rated show ever to get cancelled, and after one season. According to "The Complete Directory to Prime Time Network and Cable TV Shows" by Tim Brooks and Earle Marsh:
"One contributing factor may have been the furor created by the unhappiness of religious groups, primarily Jewish, over the show’s condoning and publicizing mixed marriage." Birney and Baxter, not so incidentally, were married from 1974 to 1989.

I bring this up now because I read in Evanier’s column from Saturday that Harold Stone, who played the Jewish father on the show, died at the age of 92. Since I don't often go around talking about "Bridget Loves Bernie", a show I seem to remember liking (but it WAS 30+ years ago and I haven't seen it since), I found that coincidence mildly unsettling.
(When ABC canceled a show called "Welcome to the Neighborhood" that offended blacks, Latinos, gays, and most importantly, the government, earlier this year it wasn’t unprecedented. What WAS unusual about that show it that the show NEVER AIRED.)

Not so incidentally, the CBS Saturday lineup for the following season (1973-1974) was considered the best ever with:
8 AiTF (#1)
8:30 M*A*S*H (#4)
9 MTM (#9)
9:30 Bob Newhart (#11)
10 Carol Burnett (#27), replacing the canceled Mission:Impossible

The only good thing about nothing on TV on Saturday night is that I get a chance to watch the prerecorded stuff, DVDs, or go out.

Feelin' crummy

Sinus headache.
Sore throat.
Chest cold.
General achiness.
And I seriously considered going to work today because I have so much stuff to do, even though I have about 140 sick days; that's not hyperbole, it's what happens when you work in the same job long enough.
Inability to focus - that's what tipped the scale.
I think I'll take some NyQuil and take a nap.

Monday meme: Comedy films

From Scalzi via Tosy

Here's a best comedy list, in alphabetical order, not quality order. The ones I've seen are in in italics. The ones I own will be in the notes.

Airplane! - one of my favorites. I think, in part, it's due to the exquisite acting of one Kareen Abdul-Jabbar, who not only played the part of Roger, but also appeared on JEOPARDY! the week before I did, and won! (What that latter point has to do with the movie, I'll never tell.) The terrible follow-up has only one good scene: JEOPARDY! with Art Fleming.
All About Eve
Amelie -swet, but never thought as top comedy material.
Annie Hall- there are more things about this movie that have happened in my life that it's scary. This was my touchstone film for a good 20 years. So la-dee-da, la-dee-dah. OWN on cassette tape.
The Apartment- I assume he means the original.
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - and no particular interest in seeing it, for some reason.
Blazing Saddles- violence to horse, scathing racial cliches. Painfully funny.
Bringing Up Baby
Broadcast News- Albert Brooks was BRILLIANT in this film.
Caddyshack-saw on commercial TV, which doesn't count for me.
Le diner de con
Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb- I MUST see this film!
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story -wasn't interested.
Duck Soup
Ferris Bueller's Day Off- possibly my wife's favorite comedy
Four Weddings and a Funeral- I like it, but I think it's uneven, and probably not 50 best.
The General
Ghostbusters- I remember that Ray Parker, Jr. was SHOCKED how fast that video came out. OWN on videocassette.
The Gold Rush
Good Morning Vietnam - how many movies and TV shows since this one have used "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong?
The Graduate- I finally saw THIS YEAR! Very fond.
Groundhog Day- Another linchpin film for me. It's all about redemption. AND it has a JEOPARDY! scene. OWN on videocassette.
A Hard Day's Night- saw after I saw Help!
His Girl Friday
Kind Hearts and Coronets
The Lady Killers
Local Hero
Manhattan- liked, and was discomforted, the way Woody films do
M*A*S*H - the TV show should have ended when Gary Burgoff, the only member of the movie cast on the TV show, left. The football game fels like The Longest Yard.
Monty Python's Life of Brian- this was on last week's indy film list. I defended this film vigorous at the time from those who thought it an attack on Christianity.
National Lampoon's Animal House- if I'm surfing through the TV, and I hit on this movie from ther Bluto speech ("Germans bombed Pearl Harbor") to the end, I have to watch.
The Odd Couple. Saw after the TV show. I got used to the Randall/Klugman rhythm.
The Producers -the audience reaction to "Springtime for Hitler" still cracks me up.
Raising Arizona- I saw this in a movie theater with about six people. THE best before-the-credits-come-up movie segment ever.
Roxanne-very sweet. I had forgotten this movie, which I saw in first run.
Rushmore- meant to. Someone's promised to lend me the DVD.
Shaun of the Dead
A Shot in the Dark
Some Like it Hot Joe e. Brown's face is a classic face.
Strictly Ballroom
Sullivan's Travels
There's Something About Mary
This is Spinal Tap- OWN the soundtrack.
To Be or Not to Be
Tootsie- possibly Dustin Hoffman's best film, because he tapped into that anger he has admitted to living with at the time.
Toy Story- I'm very fond of this movie, though I prefer the sequel
Les vacances de M. Hulot
When Harry Met Sally...- source of endless conversations about relationships.
Withnail and I
The one movie that I wish were on the list: Young Frankenstein; during one later scene, I literally fell out of my seat in the movie theater, I laughed so hard.

I've seen 30 out of 50. More and more, I'm drawn to comedy, rather than drama. Maybe the world's too rough to spend my entertainment dollars always on "serious fare."
***
And apropos of nothing, I've had, so far ZERO winners, nay, ZERO contestants for the contest yesterday. You too can still be a winner.

World Hello Day

I was reading Nick Jr. magazine - I'm always amazed at what I'm reading these days - when I discovered that tomorrow, November 21 is World Hello Day. I had never heard of it, but it has been going on for over 30 years. They even have cards and more cards designating the occasion.

The basic idea is to say "hello" to 10 people tomorrow, preferably people you would not normally say hello to. Maybe that strange person on the bus, or a total stranger walking by.

So, in honor of World Hello Day, I am having a contest. Be the first person to e-mail me with the answer to the question will win:
1) a copy of a mixed CD with hello/welcome as a theme
2) a copy of a mixed CD of my favorite Hello Records songs (that I haven't made yet)
3) a Dave Barry book about terrible songs (this has nothing to do with the theme, I just happen to have two copies), and
4) other hello-related stuff to be determined
The next four winners will receive 2) 3) and 4)

The question:
At first so strange to feel so friendly
To say good morning and really mean it
To feel these changes happening in me
But not to notice till I feel it.
1) What is the full name of the song above Title (and Parenthetical Title)
2) Who sang it first?
3) Who wrote it?

As always, decisios of the judge is final. No employees of Arro Verti Enterprises are eligible.

Three TV Questions

Mark McGuire, the TV writer from the local newspaper, the Times Union, to whom I can be as much a pain as I am to some other people, listed his list of the top 10 most influential shows. They were:

10. "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" (1968-73, NBC).
9. "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" (1970-77, CBS).
8. "Hill Street Blues" (1981-87, NBC).
7. "The Real World" (1992-present, MTV).
6. "All in the Family" (1971-83, CBS).
5. "Sesame Street" (1969-present, PBS).
4. "The Tonight Show" (1954-present, NBC).
3. "Dragnet" (1952-59; 1967-70, NBC).
2. "The Milton Berle Show" (1948-57, NBC).
1. "I Love Lucy" (1951-57, CBS).
Other shows he deemed worthy of consideration: "Law & Order" (NBC), "The Simpsons" (Fox), "Roots," (ABC), "Saturday Night Live" (NBC), "Gunsmoke," (CBS), "Monday Night Football (ABC)," "An American Family" (PBS).

You can read his rationale here.

He also listed the five best spinoffs:
5. "Lou Grant" ("Mary Tyler Moore Show")
4. "Knots Landing" ("Dallas")
3. "Happy Days" ("Love, American Style")
2. "Frasier" ("Cheers")
1. "The Simpsons" ("The Tracy Ullman Show")
and the five worst spinoffs:
5. "Joanie Loves Chachi" ("Happy Days"
4. "Gloria" ("All in the Family")
3. "The Tortellis" ("Cheers")
2. "Joey" ("Friends")
1. "AfterMASH" ("M*A*S*H")

So, my questions to you:

1) What do you consider the 5 or 10 most influential programs in television history? Not necessarily the best, but the ones that help define the genre.
2) What are the 5 best and 5 worst spinoffs of American television shows?
3) What are the 3 or 5 or 10 best shows derived from another medium (book, play, movie, oh what the heck, British TV)?

My answers will be below. You can block it to see it, or put your responses in first, THEN go back and see mine. (Thanks to Tom the Dog for explaining this process to me.)



MOST IMPORTANT:
I Love Lucy
Milton Berle
Dragnet
The Honeymooners- precursor to everything from the Flintstones to the King of Queens
The Real World
Hill Street Blues
All in the Family
M*A*S*H
The Jeffersons
Saturday Night Live
CSI
Gunsmoke
That Girl-precuror to MTM

WORST SPINOFFS
AfterMASH
Fish (from Barney Miller)
The Tortellis
Joanne Loves Chachi
Gloria

BEST SPINOFFS
Simpsons
Frasier
Lou Grant
Happy Days
Andy Griffith Show (from the Danny Thomas Show)

BEST SHOWS FROM ANOTHER MEDIUM
All in the Family (British TV)
Odd Couple (play, movie)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie)
M*A*S*H (movie)

In the workplace last autumn

Last year around this time was a very melancholy time for me. I had already been to two funerals that fall (the husband of one friend, the mother of another) and had sent a half dozen cards to friends who had lost their parents.

Then my friend Tom Hoffman, husband of the Hoffinator, mentioned on these pages recently, had some sort of digestive tract problem which sent him to the hospital on Halloween, which was on a Sunday. Tom's problem required some surgery, which meant that he would not be able to go to the polls. For someone as politically conscious as Tom, this was a real crisis. Fortunately, the Board of Elections webpage had a form online that allowed us to print it out. Then his wife still had to take it to the hospital and get him to sign it before 5 p.m. Monday, the day before Election Day. Fortunately, she was able to do so, and she got an absentee ballot, which she delivered to the polls on Election Day when she voted, thus assuring victory for President John Kerry.

Just as Tom was getting out of one hospital, my big boss, Jim, landed in another hospital with a heart attack while playing in a basketball game, saved by the janitor using the defibulator required at all of the schools. Jim was making a slow recovery, but appeared out of danger.

When Tom got out, I e-mailed him pretty much every day, mostly about politics. He was a political junkie who chastized me for voting for Nader in 2000 (in New York, where Gore won by a wide margin anyway.)

Then the next Friday, I came to work, and the secretaries called to me in a conspiratorial manner which meant that they were going to give me bad news. I figured that Jim had died. One of them whispered, "Tom died."

Tom died? I was happy for Jim and his family. But Tom DIED? He had had a massive heart attack the night before, a year ago today. We all were in shock; he was doing so well. And he wasn't even 50.

Over the next few days, folks from the office were over at the house, helping in whatever way possible. The funeral was the next week, and it was Jim's first time out of the hospital.

There's not a political story that goes by when I don't think, "I wonder what Tom's take on this will be, er, would have been?" I'm sure he would be relishing the Republican infighting over the Miers nomination, outraged by the Bush administration's defense of torture, and thrilled that Scooter Libby was indicted.

More than that, he was a weather junkie, who could predict with some accuracy the path of a hurricane. He was the commissioner of the March Madness basketball pool, and he was often a winner of said pool. (No, it wasn't a fix, and no money was involved, only bragging rights.) He was a librarian, so he was naturally very bright.

I know the Hoffinator misses him.

I want to know what he thinks about whether Rove will be indicted, and what are his thoughts about Alito, and whether he believes the Democrats will win the House in 2006, and...

Telecommunications: Cable TV

I got myself believing that I didn’t watch very much television anymore. Getting a DVR has put that into real question, because I record almost everything I watch, so it becomes much easier to track.
A digital video recorder is like a TiVo, or so I am led to believe; I never owned a TiVo. I can watch one program while recording another. This comes in very handy when we put Lydia to bed and it's 7:45. I can’t watch JEOPARDY! because it started 15 minutes earlier. (I mean, I technically COULD, but it would be wrong.) So, instead, I'll watch the evening news. THEN I'll watch J from the beginning (and be done with it in 13 minutes, and that long only because I listen to the interviews.)

With the old VCR, I’d get really behind watching J because I’d have to find the correct show on the tape. My wife will tell you that I was pretty much of a moaner when it came to watching shows on a six-hour tape. She’d say, "Let's watch Gilmore Girls!" But I’d groan, "Do we HAVE to NOW? It’s the fourth item on the tape, and I’ll have to go back to find it, then skip over it later!" Now, we have a menu, and we can watch whatever we want whenever we have the opportunity.
The other thing I can do is to tape two things at once, which I gather from Mark Evanier TiVo cannot do. Boy, I wish I had this feature some years ago when The Equalizer was on CBS and St. Elsewhere was on NBC, both on Wednesday at 10 p.m.

The downside to the DVR is that it has finite capacity, some 30 hours; it seems to be some combination of number of shows and the hours taped. On Tuesday, I was up to 33 shows unwatched, 98% capacity - we were busy with other things, and I had taped a Macca special here, a Johnny Cash special there- which required dumping a couple shows quickly.

So what AM I recording to watch?
Weekdays:
6:30 pm ABC World News Tonight. We usually watch it after Lydia's in bed.
7:30 pm JEOPARDY!, which, unfortunately, really starts at 7:29:50, so I miss one or two introductions.
Sunday:
9 am: CBS Sunday Morning
9 am: This Week - I couldn't decide so I’m taping both.
7 pm: 60 Minutes- But why does the machine suggest that it will actually start at 7 pm when there’s a 4:15 NFL game? I end up recording Cold Case just to see the last 60 Minutes segment.
8 pm: The Simpsons, if I can find when it’s actually on after football.
Monday:
12:35 am: Ebert & Roeper
8 pm: Arrested Development – so I finally decide to watch the show, and what do I get? Two weeks of "encore performances" of Prison Break, then a pair of AD episodes, back-to-back, then more Prison Break.
Tuesday: This has been "Must See TV" night for me for a while
8 pm: Gilmore Girls
9 pm: Commander-in-Chief
9 pm: My Name Is Earl – I know about counter-programming, but why are the only new shows I’m watching on at the same time?
9:30 pm: The Office
10 pm: Boston Legal
10 pm: Queer Eye- which must be on hiatus
And we eagerly await the return of Scrubs
Wednesday: Nothing
Thursday: Nothing. A night of shows we have watched in the past but have given up on: Survivor, The Apprentice, E.R., even Joey. Actually, we have, at my wife's suggestion, recorded a couple episodes of Everybody Hates Chris, one of which we have seen and enjoyed.
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: The evening news, if it isn’t pre-empted by college football. Otherwise nothing. (With the networks often showing reruns of shows that were on during the week, why don’t they just give the time back to the affiliates? I suspect it's because it IS a time they can occasionally run specials and they don’t want to surrender the time permanently, but that's a guess.)

So that’s 15 hours a week, more or less. Probably a few minutes of news in the morning for the weather.
Here’s where you say, "You oughta be watching X." Well, it won’t be CSI or NCIS or any show that portrays how crummy people are to other people. I’ve given up on 24. I don't plan on getting HBO.

So we tape early in the week, and watch later in the week.
My wife watches the evening news, 60 Minutes, and the Tuesday shows except Boston Legal. Actually, we haven't seen Commander-in-Chief in three weeks, but we will, we will. It's recorded and it's retrievable, unike some VCR tapes I have. For example, there was a Temptations movie (2-part, 4-hour) taped, never watched; must be 5 years ago now.
The other thing my wife views is figure skating. I say I don't watch it, but I could, if asked, provide an analysis of the pros and cons of the old scoring system (based on 6.0) and the new one. So I don't sit down to watch it as much as it's on while I'm reading the paper and I get to absorb it by osmosis: Grand Prix. Triple salchow. "Fell out of doing a triple lutz and only landed a double; that will cost him plenty." And why do the sponsors (this year, Ore-Ida and Marshall’s) run the same commercial, 3 5, even 9 times in two hours? Fortunately, she usually watches this in the recorded mode, so she can zap past them.
Yes, I watch some sporting events, but I tend to be a playoff fan: from September on in baseball, from Thanksgiving on in the NFL, March Madness in men’s college basketball. But if a baseball game happens to be on during the season while I'm flicking through the channels, I will check it out, especially in the summer when many shows are repeats.

And maybe I'll find that Temptations tape.

Next time: Internet

Mom's birthday

Trudy Green's 78 today. I don't mind mentioning her age, because she doesn't seem to mind.

My mother used to "work outside the home", as it's now referred to, when we were kids. So we spent a lot of time at my grandmother's, her mother's, house. Grandma Williams used to tell us stories about bogeymen and whatnot, and Leslie and I were gullible enough to believe her tales; baby sister Marcia was too savvy to buy into it.

My mother was pretty much unaware of this until we told her when we were adults. This gave her a huge case of the guilts. Was she a good mother? My sisters and I perfected our response, we heard the question so often.

"We're FINE, Mom! None of us are mass murderers or destitute. We're happy, reasonably healthy. You were a fine mom, and we love you." Which worked until she thought of it again.

Happy birthday, Mom. You done good. Really.

Music to screw up your computers by

Got an e-mail from our techie at work, Mark (portions irrelevant to the general public removed), usually a pretty reliable sort:

Recently, Sony has been caught using some pretty underhanded, quite invasive methods to keep people from copying CDs released from certain artists. I've not discussed this with everyone until now, because Sony would not release the list of those titles that are affected by this "XCP" copy protection.

There are already at least four ways of using this "XCP" software for nefarious purposes.

Please note, this is about removing some nasty software that makes your PC vulnerable to many different attacks, not about bypassing legitimate software protection (which this is NOT).

Here is the list of CURRENTLY KNOWN artists/titles (more may come out of the woodwork):

Trey Anastasio - Shine
Celine Dion - On ne Change Pas
Neil Diamond - 12 Songs
Our Lady Peace - Healthy in Paranoid Times
Chris Botti - To Love Again
Van Zant - Get Right with the Man
Switchfoot - Nothing is Sound
The Coral - The Invisible Invasion
Acceptance - Phantoms
Susie Suh - Susie Suh
Amerie - Touch
Life of Agony - Broken Valley
Horace Silver Quintet - Silver's Blue
Gerry Mulligan - Jeru
Dexter Gordon - Manhattan Symphonie
The Bad Plus - Suspicious Activity
The Dead 60s - The Dead 60s
Dion - The Essential Dion
Natasha Bedingfield - Unwritten
Ricky Martin - Life

I would suspect ANY SONY or BMG disc released during 2005. Some of you may note that I'm not calling these Audio CD's or CD's - they are in fact NOT true Audio CD's. Many of these non-audio CD titles will cause damage to stereos (car and home) that do not know how to deal with the non-audio portion of the disc.

Anyone out there heard any more on this?

Addendum: I just came across this article.
The Boing Boing website has further info on this topic.