Happy Blogiversary to Ramblin'

Finishing year number three at that. If you were to tell me I'd be blogging for nearly 1100 straight days 1200 days ago, I'd say you were nuts. Well, the joke's on me. Maybe I'm nuts. So be it.
I blogged 32 times in May, June, August, September, and December 2007, 31 times in July and November of 2007, plus each of the first three months of 2008, a whopping 34 times in October 2007, and a mere 30 times in April 2008. That would be 380 posts in 366 days. And this doesn't count the posts I've made elsewhere.

Over the last 12 months - heck, ever - the best single day I had, in terms of people coming to the blog was May 18, with 477 visitors. It was fueled on the piece I had posted the day before, about counterfeit Cerebus #1, which ADD and subsequently other members of the comic book press picked up.

Likewise, it fueled the highest month I ever had.

The second best single day was 366 hits for a January interview with someone named Fred Hembeck, aided undoubtedly by a mention from Greg Burgas; it was among the first interviews of Fred to see the light of day, which helped. The worst day in the past year was a day in July, probably a Sunday, when I had 76 visitors.

I check my Technorati score periodically. It's been as low as 22 and as high as 44; last I checked, it was 36.

When I Google Roger Green, my blog is generally in the Top 3 hits, along with Roger Green + Associates, Roger S. Green of Duluth, GA, and/or the former assemblyman Roger L. Green. The Denver ambient jazz musician's on the rise, but the feng shui guy has been sinking. One of the Google oddities is that both my blog and one particular post has been near the top. For a while it was Chronicles of the Fantastic Four Chronicles, featuring Jack Kirby and John Byrne. More recently, it's been the little piece I did about the death of Steve Gerber, which made me mildly uncomfortable, for some reason.

I want to thank those folks who've come by. More on all of this in the days ahead.


ROG

Underplayed Vinyl: Judy Collins

For my 16th birthday in March 1969, I received the album Who Knows Where the Time Goes from my friend Lois, who I had known since kindergarten. Even as she was giving the LP, she gave me this whopping caveat said, "I hope you like it. It's kinda country." Well, some of it was for certain, but it was far more eclectic than I was led to expect.
Hello Hooray - Starts off mysteriously softly, almost inaudibly, before breaking into a stirring rock tune, featuring Steve Stills on the guitar. Yes, this is the same song that Alice Cooper later covered.
Story of Isaac - A Leonard Cohen tune featuring only harpsichord and organ about the Biblical character who was to be sacrificed to God by his father Abraham. I found this song particularly moving and put it on a mixed CD at some point.
My Father - A rare composition by Judy; interesting how she placed the two songs about fathers and their children together. This is a lovely biographical song in waltz time.

Someday Soon - One of those "country" songs with the pedal steel guitar that has become a Collins trademark, written by Ian Tyson.

The title tune - Written by Sandy Denny, it is an equisite mournful anthem where the piano, guitar and bass set off Judy's voice marvelously.

Poor Immigrant- A Bob Dylan tune, also with pedal steel and Dobro.
First Boy I Loved - A much-covered Robin Williamson song about the title character growing to "a grown-up male stranger." Having loved and lost since then, it is far more powerful to me now. There was a version of this song (First Girl I Loved) done by Jackson Browne for a tribute to Elektra Records called Rubaiyat.
Bird on the Wire - Another "country" tune, another Leonard Cohen tune, probably my favorite of the "country" tunes, because guitarist James Burton sounded as though he were having so much fun.

Pretty Polly - A murder ballad that starts softly, builds to the death - "He stabbed her through the heart, and her heart blood did flow," pulls back musically for the burial, then rocks out to the end with Burton and Stills sharing guitar licks. This song was shocking to me at the time and still affecting today.

This album has been on and off my desert albums list for decades.

July Collins, born May 1, 1939, turns 69 today. I saw her perform live but once, in the early 1980s, in Glens Falls, NY after winning tickets on a radio contest the very day of the concert.

Oh, what the heck: Since You Asked from Wildflowers:


And this more elementary song:


ROG

License Plate Tag

I've wanted to write about our vacation trip to Williamsburg, VA, but haven't been able to carve out the time to do it justice. So I'll just tell you about the state plates we saw. I was particularly curious this trip because I wondered wwhether the price of fuel would dampen the travelers.

We started in Albany on a Saturday, to NJ to south central PA, where we stopped overnight to see Carol's brother, his wife and their daughter. Then the next day did the rest of the trip through MD to VA. Thursday, we returned to the brother-in-law's abode, then back home.

On each leg of the trip (south and north), we managed to see all the states and places (like DC) from ME to FL, plus three Canadian provinces: Ontario, Quebec and Nova Scotia. We also spied, both ways, OH, MI, WI, KY, TN, AL, TX, OR, CA, and plates for US Government. We caught OK both ways, but they were trucks in both cases. We saw cars from AK (ALASKA!) and MN on the way down, and a truck from those states - and I mean one truck, with one plate on the cab and another on the trailer, on the return trip. There was a MS truck on the return trip.

But I was most excited to see, on the way down, a HI car! Someone transported a car from Hawai'i to, presumably, California, and has been driving around the country, I'd guess.

The states I didn't see at all were primarily in the mountain region: WA, ID, MT, CO, WY, UT, AZ, NM, NV, ND, SD. I was surprised not to see Colorado, which I usually catch every trip, and slightly surprised not to see the southwest states. I'm now thinking that finding a Wyoming plate on an East Coast trip is the gold standard.

I must say that it's getting harder to identify some plates when you're going 55 or 65 MPH. There are so many variations. The site here addresses some of them.

A standard Maryland plate looks like this:

But I saw this plate

and initially thought it was from AZ or NM.

Likewise, the PA plate:

This variation I'd recognize:

This variation, not so much:

Anyway, the first day back to work, in downtown Albany, what do I see? Something I didn't see in almost 1300 miles of traveling: a Colorado license plate.

ROG

Perspectives

Item: I stopped at the nearby Price Chopper grocery store on the way home Friday night to pick up a handful of items, including a dozen apples. The apples were in the plastic bag I got from the produce section, and I was using the "ring-it-up-yourself" section of the checkout counter. Just after I had rung up the apples, the bag broke, with the apples scattering. Some young woman behind me kindly helped me pick them up, saying, "Don't worry, I'm clean."
Her perspective: She was either kidding OR she was assuring me that she didn't have some skin-borne disease.
My perspective: Assuming she wasn't kidding, and she didn't appear to be, just what diseases was she talking about? I wasn't worried about her, since she had self-certified her cleanliness, but should I be worried about others? I do wash the fruit in case there are pesticides or the like, but is that enough? As Paul Simon said, "Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland."

Item: On Saturday, Carol went to a retreat, so I took Lydia to the state museum. On the fourth floor was a carousel, which we rode twice. There's also, of all things, a Subway sandwich stand. We got a "meal deal" which we split, that included a couple cookies. I asked, "Is there any peanut butter..." The sales clerk said, "I'm sorry we don't carry any."
Her perspective: She thinks I'm disappointed that there are no peanut butter cookies.
My perspective: I wanted to make sure that there weren't any peanut butter cookies because Lydia is allergic to peanut butter.

Item: Drivers are driving less on the Thruway, the Interstate system that runs from New York City to Kingston to Albany (I-87) then Albany to Utica to Syracuse to Rochester to Buffalo (I-90).
My perspective: Ah, less wear and tear on the roads. Good for them.
The Thruway Authority's perspective: we'd better raise the rates 5% in January 2009, and another 5% in 2010. And while we're at it, we'll lower the E-Z Pass discount from 10% to 5% starting in June 2008.
The governor's, the legislature's and the public's perspective: Outrage.

Item: John McCain goes to Selma, Alabama where on March 7, 1965, peaceful civil rights demonstrators were attacked by state and local lawmen.
McCain's stated perspective: "I'm aware of the fact that there will be many people who will not vote for me. But I'm going to be the president of all the people and I will work for all of the people and I will listen to all of the people, whether they decide to vote for me or not."
My perspective: I remember Selma '65 quite well, since it occurred on my 12th birthday. As the Democrats continue to fight, my sense that McCain will win the general election, no matter who the Democratic nominee is, grows stronger by the day.
ROG

File Under Blackmail Pictures

Every year, I go to Free Comic Book Day, and every year, I get assaulted by some superfolks. This year, FCBD is this Saturday, May 3rd. Hope I survive.

BTW, to prepare for FCBD, I went to this show this past weekend and saw my old compatriots Rocco Nigro, Bill Anderson and John Hebert. AND I finally ran into ADD; he DOES exist! He's written a nice account of our meeting here.
And I even won a drawing for a copy of Iron Man #97, "The Return of the Guardsman". Almost certainly, I owned this comic book once upon a time - all those Marvels with the 30-cent cover price I would have been buying perforce - but without looking inside, I just don't remember The Guardsman at all.
ROG

Getting Wright the Second Time

I had thought that I had set up a recording of Bill Moyers' Journal Friday night. The Reverend Jeremiah Wright was Bill's guest. Then at 9:30 pm, I noticed that the recording light on the DVR wasn't on, and soon I figured out why; the local PBS station, WMHT, was having its @#$%^&* fundraising auction! Fortunately, I could find the remaining part of the program on a secondary WMHT channel on cable.

I found Jeremiah Wright to be far more thoughtful and less vitriolic than the snippets would suggest. In fact, of those snippets, Reverend Wright said, "When something is taken like a sound bite for a political purpose and put constantly over and over again, looped in the face of the public, that's not a failure to communicate. Those who are doing that are communicating exactly what they wanna do, which is to paint me as some sort of fanatic..."

I was intrigued to find that Reverend Wright's "infamous" sermon of September 16, 2001 was based on Psalm 137. You may know the first six verses of that psalm from the reggae song "By the Rivers of Babylon". But I recall a former pastor of mine, last time this scripture came up in the lectionary, talk about what a difficult scripture it was to preach on:

1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept
when we remembered Zion.

2 There on the poplars
we hung our harps,

3 for there our captors asked us for songs,
our tormentors demanded songs of joy;
they said, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!"

4 How can we sing the songs of the LORD
while in a foreign land?

5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
may my right hand forget its skill .

6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth
if I do not remember you,
if I do not consider Jerusalem
my highest joy.

7 Remember, O LORD, what the Edomites did
on the day Jerusalem fell.
"Tear it down," they cried,
"tear it down to its foundations!"

8 O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,
happy is he who repays you
for what you have done to us-

9 he who seizes your infants
and dashes them against the rocks.

I hope you take the time to watch the video and/or read the transcript of Bill Moyers' interview of Jeremiah Wright, rather than have the soundbites dictate your opinion of him.


ROG

The Lydster, Part 49: Skills

On Lydia's birthday last month, I measured her: 3'8" or 44 inches. Her mother weighed her on the bathroom scale: 46 pounds. Then the next week, the doctor took her vitals for her four-year checkup. 44", 46 lbs. 0ur wall chart and scale meet medical standards.

For her birthday, we had a little party for her with her maternal grandparents, one of her uncles and aunts and two of her cousins. She was uncharacteristically cranky; I mean she can be cranky, but usually only to her parents at bedtime (and not that often). Actually, she was sobbing uncontrollably for reasons I didn't understand, other than fatigue. So I got one or two of her stuffed animals, they talked to her, and she was fine. My wife said, "You've got skills." I said, "You seem surprised."

One of the things Lydia got for her birthday was a ball and bat. It's not a Wiffle ball, but an OBall, with a bunch of the letter O glued together in a spheroid. BTW, Fred Hembeck will be pleased to know the colors of the ball are orange and blue, the Mets' colors. She likes to hit. While I tried to rig up some T-ball-like arrangement, she prefers me to pitch to her. And though she writes and throws right-handed, she seems to prefer to hit left-handed. She likes the pitches low and inside, though she does OK low and a little outside as well. Perhaps she's got skills.

ROG

Casting the Movie QUESTION

On NPR last week, their movie critic was casting the movie of this political season.
For Barack Obama, he picked Will Smith , deeming Denzel Washington too old. Smith's movies are often inspirational, he suggested.
For Hillary Clinton, Meryl Streep, who he said played a similar role in the remake of The Manchurian Candidate.
For John McCain, Richard Dreyfus, who played an old senator in another movie.

I think Denzel could still do it, but Will's good. Streep's Streep, but aren't their a number of other actresses of a certain age who could do it? Joan Allen once played the Vice-President, e.g.; the first person to come to mind (as an actress of a certain age, not anything more sinister) was Linda Blair. And while Dreyfus could play McCain, I'd prefer him to play Dick Cheney.

Who would you pick? Also, who should play the "stars" of the Bush administration: W., Cheney, Condi Rice (Debbie Allen came to mind), Colin Powell (John Amos played a general on "West Wing"), Alberto Gonzales? Also Laura and the twins.

ROG

April Ramblin'

Added to my blogroll:

Bob and Ray's Old Time Radio.

Sports Illustrated Vault.


Stuff I've been thinking about:

The 2008 TIME 100 Finalists. Tyler Perry went from the middle of the pack to #4 after he sent out e-mails to his fans. Meanwhile, at #73, Britney Spears is ahead of Condi Rice, David Petraeus and George W. Bush,, among many others.

The BBB Offers Free Document Shredding During National "Secure Your ID" Day - May 3, 2008; not one community in New York State is participating!

Who is the patriot? One who served or one who deferred and continued to defer and never served?

Bill Moyers: Journalists As Truth-Tellers. Were it more so.

Why it's so tough to unseat incumbent politicians

Power to the people vs give peace a chance. Ah, Mike Gravel, you rock.

What your money looks like, if you're using US currency.

Having To Say You Work For A Bimbo.

The Global Tribute Fund is "an initiative to pay tribute to the inspiring women in our lives."

Please DO NOT buy this book.

Garrison Keillor gets nostalgic over Northwest Airlines. Obviously, the OLD Northwest Orient, because the conglomerate that's threatening to merge with Delta is the one airline I absolutely have refused to fly for years.

There's a comic book show in Albany this Sunday; might go. I thought to go to the NYCC last weekend, but it didn't work out; Fred Hembeck tells all about it. Ron Marz and my friend Bill Anderson will have been at both shows.

How to Slap a Hamburger Together -- in 156 Steps.

Sexy Trips to the Library Stacks. But would you expect otherwise?

ROG

Bitter

I was checking out this recent this Modern World with Tom Tomorrow and it occurred to me - I wonder how many of the folks this cartoon represents are bitter?

In the wake of Barack's "bitter" battle, which probably hurt him in yesterday's Pennsylvania primary, a number of folks have actually come to his defense, including the Nation's Katrina vanden Heuvel; in fact, Robert Reich, a superdelegate who served in Bill Clinton's cabinet, recently came out for Obama, primarily because of Hillary Clinton's campaign going negative over this.

But are people bitter? I mean, even GayProf is losing his Zen.

I must say that the Iraq war and loss of basic human rights in the US has made me annoyed; no, "annoyed" doesn't begin to cover it. Torture in my name has really ticked me off. If you don't know the name John Yoo, you should. He was the government official who "publicly argued there is no law that could prevent the President from ordering the torture of a child of a suspect in custody – including by crushing that child’s testicles." More recently, A Torture Victim’s Records Were Lost at Guantánamo, Admits the Camp General; oops! And Amnesty International has unveiled a ‘Waterboarding’ film.

But, am I bitter?
Let's find the dictionary.net definition:
2) Causing pain or smart; piercing; painful; sharp; severe.
3) Causing, or fitted to cause, pain or distress to the mind; calamitous; poignant.
5) Mournful; sad; distressing; painful; pitiable.
I'd say definitions 2 and 3 apply to me, but not so much #5, for more than pitiable, there are times when I'm just furious. So, it depends on your take of the word.

ROG

Bike

In honor of Earth Day, for which our local bus company (which carries bicycles on a rack) will let you ride for free, pieces about the bicycle.

(Picture from http://drunkcyclist.com/.)

Bike to Work in Albany, New York is Friday, May 16th 2008. Plan now.

Nice Racks.

Learn How To Fix Your Own Bike.

The Puma Glow-in-the dark Folding Bicycle for safe commutes.

What a Fred is.

'Yehuda Moon and the Kickstand Cyclery' cartoon strip.

Your typical bike commute:


ROG

10 (More) Things About Me

I've been tagged by the Crone Report, who I've known since the mid-1970s at college. According to Ms. Report, the rules of the game are thus:

Post 10 random things about yourself.

Choose five people to tag and a reason you chose them and make sure to tell them.

Don't tag the person who tagged you.

She's right that I've probably done this before; hope I haven't repeated these (and if so, not too often). These are in chronological order, from oldest to newest.

OK, here goes:

1. I fell down the flight of steps between my grandparents' apartment and ours when I was three. There's still a scar there under my lower lip where hair does not grow, giving me soul patch potential before the term was invented.

2. In high school, I was president of our Red Cross club.

3. In May of 1972, the US mined Haiphong harbor, thus, we believed, escalating the Viet Nam conflict. There was a demonstration at the draft board in Kingston, NY, and the board closed in anticipation of our arrival, though it was a peaceful protest. The next day, the front page of the newspaper, the Kingston Freeman, had a picture of me and a couple other people sitting in front of the building. The quality (or reproduction) of the photo was so poor, though, that I didn't even recognize myself.

4. My college friend Alice and I were hitchhiking from New Paltz to Hornell, NY to visit a friend of ours who had been injured in a fatal car crash. Some guy picked us up west of Binghamton and proceeded to give us a lecture about the sin of miscegenation; we weren't a couple. We wondered what his reaction would have been if he knew she was a lesbian.

5. As a direct result of the person who tagged me, I went through a brief period of wearing berets. But not red ones.

6. Six women and I went skinny-dipping.

7. I worked as a telemarketer. But in those days, we only called people who had had a relationship with the product; e.g., people whose TV Guide subscription had lapsed or the annual for those people owning encyclopedias.

8. I once drove a car from Schenectady to Albany, about 10 miles, without a license or even learner's permit. The owner of the car was too drunk to drive. (The statue of limitations on this has passed.)

9. I saw Anita Baker perform at the Palace Theatre in Albany in the late 1980s. Afterwards, my friend Karen introduced me to her - very pleasant woman - and we were allowed to go backstage, where boxing champ Mike Tyson and "Ironweed" star Jack Nicholson were hanging out. (The story of Ironweed by William Kennedy was based on Albany, and part of it was filmed in the city.)

10. I did not do it often in any case, but the last time I drank alcohol thinking that I might get inebriated was on my 39th birthday. My friend Marion, who was in the choir and a book club with me, died on March 4 of that year of cancer. Her husband asked me to be a pallbearer and the funeral was on March 7. Worst. Birthday. Ever.

OK, the dreaded who to tag:
Eddie, so he can get out of the rhythm of posting music videos;
Librarian 2008, because she needs to put more personal stuff on her blog;
Uthaclena, because I'm curious whether any of ours will intersect;
Kelly, because she seems always game for a game; and
Anthony, because it would give me an opportunity to know him better.

ROG

Ketchup

When we got home from our vacation Friday, I checked the phone messages (only four - two junk and two for an event that's now past), and turned on the TV (DVR 99% full!) I could delete a few shows we saw during the week, which got it down to 92%, and I thought I'd watch some while unpacking. But then something fell off the back of this humongous piece of furniture where the television resides and unplugged the TV. This meant moving the furniture, which meant removing all the LPs (yes, LPs), VHS tapes and DVDs from the beast, plus photos and other items; fortunately, the two drawers, each with dozens of tapes, pull out. I could plug in the TV, and I recovered my cribbage board which had fallen previously, but this meant that I had to also recover...the Barney DVD that had fallen some months earlier. By accident. Really.
Unlike the Barney cassette, which I don't mind, the DVD is a game show with an audience of children...and adults. There's something really creepy about WATCHING grown-ups feign (I think it's feigning) the same enthusiasm as their kids. I mean, it's OK for them to BE that enthusiastic; I just don't want to see it.
***
Checked my e-mail. 524 new work e-mails. One was a link to this stupid internal Microsoft video for stupid Vista:

I also discovered that the search committee I'm on for the PR position in my office has four interviews on Wednesday and Thursday; so kind of them not to schedule them for Monday. I also found out, in an e-mail that only arrived Friday afternoon, that a presentation that a colleague and I offered to the Association of Small Business Development Centers was selected for us to present at the ASBDC 2008 Annual Conference: Blogging with the SBDC – Implementing Web 2.0 Technologies at Your Center. Which means I'll be going to Chicago in September. I've never actually been to Chicago; being at O'Hare does not count, so that's rather cool.
***
I've been trying to catch up on reading some blogs. Ken Levine wants people to vote on some komedy kontest. I learned from Mark Evanier that Kelly Bishop was in the original cast of A Chorus Line; she already looks like a younger version of Emily Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. Evanier also has a cat named Lydia, darn those Marx Brothers. And I've discovered how Mike Sterling posts every day:

***
Sometimes, I just love spam. In addition to all those kind offers of getting me free money or increasing the size of...well, you know, there are these:
Dear Gmail Account Users,

We hereby inform you that our system has developed database error so we need to access all accounts in other to save and keep them active even till after a new database is introduced to Gmail .
Gmail Team advices you update your account details to verify and keep them valid and undeleted.
PLEASE PROVIDE US WITH THE FOLLOWING
USERNAME:.................................
PASSWORD:.................................
VERIFY PASSWORD:......................
ALTERNATE EMAIL ADRESS:..........
DATE OF BIRTH:..............................
COUNTRY/TERRITORY:.....................
After the details are given your account will be upgraded and safe for your use.
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CONTINUE USING YOUR E-MAIL AS SOON AS THE MAIL IS RENEWED AND ACTIVE.
To reply just "CLICK" on the REPLY tab in your browser.
Please bear with us.
I didn't need the REAL notice from Gmail - Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. - to detect it as fraudulent. I'm guessing though that if they actually got native writers/speakers of English, they might fool a few more people. "our system has developed database error"? "we need to access all accounts in other"? "keep them active even till after"? Spammers, thank you for today's entertainment.

ROG<

Barack and Hillary QUESTIONS

When I was on vacation in Virginia this past Sunday, I turned on the TV and happened to catch the last 45 minutes of Barack Obama's Q&A with CNN on religion/faith/values. I thought he seemed most impressive and comfortable; I didn't see Hillary Clinton. Then I catch the local news tease asking if the Dems have a "prayer" of dealing with faith issues. The story itself noted Clinton's and Obama's "struggle" talking about religion (in general, it was implied) and then showed the clips of Hillary and Barack talking about abortion (she said that the potential for life began at conception, Barack noted that he did struggle with this particular issue).

It seemed that abortion is still THE issue when it comes to matters of faith, at least according to that broadcast. A related issue in the media also seems to be that the Dems are FINALLY talking about religion in 2008, when, in fact, John Kerry for one was, I thought, quite eloquent in speaking about his faith and how he acts on it in a 2004 debate; since he didn't talk about it often, and because he didn't oppose abortion, he was perceived as somehow inauthentic.

So my questions:
1) Did you see or hear any of the Clinton or Obama pieces on race? If so, what did you think?

2) Regardless of whether you actually saw them, what was your perception of how they did based on what you read in the newspaper or heard on radio or TV? I'm interested in sources of your info, too, if possible.

3) How SHOULD candidates be talking about faith and religion, if at all?

4) I also caught much of the ABC News debate on Wednesday, and I thought they both were fine. Mostly it reminded me that either of them is a better choice than John "not so straight talk" McCain, who had ducked the faith debate. Did you see the Wednesday debate, and what did you hear about it, whether you saw the debate or not?

ROG

Words

I've inadverently borrowed from Eddie in that most of the posts this week were ones I had started, even finished, some time ago in Blogger but for some reason never posted. Those of you using Blogger to write posts can understand this: Blogger date-stamps the written entry, and unless you change it, it'll stay there with that date from a couple months ago.

So I went through my unpublished entries for the past few months and decided to post them this week, including thaty one on autism that I thought I had published. Why is that, you may ask? Because I was away on a trip to Williamsburg, VA. More about that anon.

Anyway, thanks to the masked blogger who posted for me these past four days.
***
The Annual Mensa Invitational was a couple months ago, for all of you wordies. I really do love this stuff:

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that,after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

ROG

Autism Speaks and other charities

Friends of mine have a daughter who is autistic. They forwarded this e-mail:
I just got word that this band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to Autism Speaks for *each time* the video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link below to watch the video and pass it along to your friends and family. It is a great heart tugging video.
They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help them to surpass this goal.
Link to the site.

Immediately, my Spidey sense started tingling my investigative librarian nature kicked in, probably prompted by this story in the local paper about how poorly some veterans' charities are doing in delivering monies to actual veterans, as opposed to fundraising and overhead.

In any case, I couldn't find any "40 cents" reference on the What Kind Of World Do You Want? website that hosts the video, but I did discover that Five for Fighting IS involved in hosting videos on the What Kind... site, where people can donate money by watching said videos to the end.

There are five entities, including Autism Speaks, that will benefit from this program, and I wanted to know if they were legit. Gordon found me some info on Autism Speaks from the Better Business Bureau and Guidestar. (Thanks, Gordon!)

Ultimately, though, I decided to take the plunge and join the American Institute of Philanthropy, the national charity watchdog cited by the newspaper article about the vets' charities.

For the five entities on What Kind, here are the AIP results:

Augie's Quest (www.augiesquest.org) Not listed. This is a group dealing with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) named for a friend of John from Five for Fighting. It may be too new to be listed in the AIP's December 2007 booklet.

Autism Speaks (www.autismspeaks.org) GRADE: B-. About 62-74% of monies go to services; a document Gordon provided said 75%, which would have pushed them into the solid B range.

Fisher House Foundation (www.fisherhouse.org) "Supporting America's military in their time of need, we provide 'a home away from home' that enables family members to be close to a loved one at the most stressful time -- during hospitalization for an illness, disease or injury." GRADE: A+.

Save the Children (www.savethechildren.org). GRADE: A.

United Service Organization (www.uso.org). Yes, THAT USO. GRADE: C+.

As one of my friends writes, "'Overhead' costs are what bugs me a lot with many charities. It is nice to see $$ go to those in need, and not administrative costs."

ROG

Farce or Habit

I was never much on the use of drugs. I've tried marijuana, though not in a very long time, and it generally just made me sleepy. Most other things I was too scared to do at all.

So, I was fascinated to find in my spring 1982 journal's back cover this short exhortation:

As we all know, most cartoonists (as well as other creative people) often consume mass quantities of dope.
This stimulates the free flow of ideas which would otherwise remain untapped in the subconscious -
Some of the ideas are even good.
Unfortunately, most drugs are illegal.
This seems petty, arbitrary, and unfair, particularly for the cartoonist, since he or she, unlike the business person at a 3 martini lunch, is unable to deduct this purchase as a business expense for income tax purposes.
Why such discrimination? we'd like to see it stopped!
Write to your Congressperson today.

Seriously, I have no recollection of writing it, but it's in my hand, complete with a correction - I changed the word expenditure to purchase because later in that sentence, I wrote expense.

I mention this as a defense for Barack Obama over this issue. Sometimes, you DO just forget.

ROG

How I Feel At This Time Of Year

I believe this is an explanation of the U.S. Tax Code.


On the other hand, spring IS finally arriving:



ROG

I'm WASABI

Your Score: Wasabi

You scored 50% intoxication, 75% hotness, 75% complexity, and 75% craziness!

You are Wasabi!

You're pretty much insane. You're probably from another planet, even. When you're around people, you go straight for the crown chakra and get them all tingly. You're often imitated by those who want to be like you, but you're definitely one of a kind.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

ROG

Library Humor

A couple months ago, someone on a library listserv I'm on (BUSLIB) was looking working for videos of people trying to return a retail product or getting gadgets to work. All sorts of suggestions popped up, some of which are shared here. See what fun-loving folks librarians are? The videos are of varying quality, but some are hysterical. In honor of National Library Week.

Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch Monty Python...Monty Python Hilarious Brilliant

A "Best City" Customer Service Story! "Here is a video I made at my former place of employment. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w85dSkbTTSsWe were poking fun of the horrible customer service that is so common with the big box."

The Answer - Retail Return. "I had to augment the living hell out of it. The on-stage actors were not projecting at all....retail return FFHS FFHStudios whispering"

Retail Hell or a Diffcult Life
Retail work sucks but you can get even! Watch and learn....Retail customers from hell getting even.

Wal-Mart's Customer Service. For more information, visit www.walmartwatch.com.

Gateway Update - Still No Support . "For three weeks, Gateway is still telling me that they are unwilling to provide me with any customer support or service. BLAH! Still a Grade "F."

Bad Customer Service #1Very bad customer service

Retail 103: Customer Returns And Exchanges. "NOTE: this one has some foul language so I have a feeling it won’t suffice – but I include it nonetheless." Not THAT foul...

Funny Dell Customer Service CallA really funny Dell customer service call.

A Comcast Technician Sleeping on my Couch. "This is my tribute to Comcast, their low quality technology and their poor customer service. UPDATE: My service has been restored."

iPod Customer Service. "the Dirty secret have to watch this... (based on real life experience, no hoax)."

Customer Disservice "Have you ever received really bad customer service?"

How to Get a Customer Service Human. "With a human in customer service can be a godsend, especially after spending hours in 'automated phone menu' hell."

terrible customer service. Make fun of their customers...funny skit."

Customer Service Training Video

Optimus Maximus Keyboard: Horrible Customer Service. "Read that right. I've had it with this company. Their customer service is absolutely horrible."

Customer Service. "A reenactment of my experience with my DSL provider...Eyeopener Films Home Movies New Customer Service DSL."

Unboxing - not always on target, but a source.

Expo TV: video reviews of consumer products - "made by real people!" Some are actually positive.

David Pogue's Song spoofs. Some are over a decade old, but what the hey.


ROG