The return
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I started this blog as an unofficial vehicle for interesting statistical
information. When I retired, I let it lie fallow. I'm going to post here
period...
Gender Wage Gap By State - Census Bureau
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If you need a reason to start a business, the gender wage gap may be a
factor. The Census has created a new visualization of the disparity between
male ...
It takes a lot of practice
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A friend asked: “If you had the chance to ask three different people
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The one req...
Faded road markings cause concern
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Q: Can someone at New York state tell me why the DOT doesn’t use a better
reflective paint when the lines are painted? It appears the paint used has
no ref...
Goodbye but NOT farewell
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Using the words which Roger used in his intro for the last post of round
20--- Z
*With joy, we'll dream away each sorrow, With love we'll live for each...
Alan Moore's Twilight Proposal
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Introduction by Alan David Doane:
Honestly I didn't intend the irony, but this week's FMF, looking at Alan
Moore's never-published Twilight proposal, also ...
Empowered Minds: Celebrating Women in Research
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SUNY Researchers Making an Impact Here at SUNY, we have no shortage of
women who have made a mark on our world. Throughout Women’s History Month,
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The Best Films of 2023
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Martin Scorsese, left, Lily Gladstone, and Robert DeNiro all received Oscar
nods for *Killers of the Flower Moon*. Some say Leo DiCaprio, right, was
snubbe...
Getting Ready To Die
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Getting Ready To DieNo, as far as I know, it’s not imminent, but you never
know. An awful lot of people are checking out in the seventh decade that I
just ...
Petitioning season cut short
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Political "petitioning season" for U.S. Congress, NYS Assembly, NYS Senate,
and a host of other positions, was cut short. Like all the other things
that...
Eagle Scout Project
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Rutherford neighbor Krish Soni is getting started on his Eagle Scout
project on Saturday, October 26. He will be labeling storm drains in the
neighborhood ...
We’re Off On An Adventure!
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Just now, Marge and I are doing a bit of adventuring. The next adventure
will include a whole new online reality and presence for me and my work…
See you i...
It Changes
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Living with Lupus and Fibro and Asthma is often not so much 'one day at a
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This...
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…
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Well, kids, this is it. I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning. My visits
home will be few and far between, and when they happen, they’ll be
exclusive...
Spring is here?
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As far as the pro peloton goes, it’s on! I watched the Tour of Flanders
today, and it was one of the best races I’ve ever seen. “Looking back, you
get a b...
Modern Types-Ronald Searle,Geoffrey Gorer
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With the recent attention given to Ronald Searle's 90th birthday and new
interview,I decided to look at one of his books.
The book is titled Modern Ty...
It’s not merely a tree
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Facebook “Memories” are a useful way for me to find out what I was posting
on the platform on one date. Sometimes one or more are really interesting,
most...
March Photo Challenge: Eleven
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Welp, I missed last month’s photo challenge due to our winter vacation from
February 22-March 2, and came down with the flu in record time on March
3rd, wh...
colo(u)rful sauces
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In 2009, my parents came over from the US and we took a trip to Italy:
Florence, Pisa, and Rome. The food, of course, was gorgeous, but often
clashed wit...
1, 2, 3, 4: You Can Count On It
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Up the stairs, count the steps1, 2, 3, 41, 2, 3, 41, 2, 3…Crap, it didn’t
come out even, it’s eleven But 1-2-3-4-1/ 2 /3-4-1-2-3 will have to do; the
middl...
AmeriNZ 412 – Returning to normal mode
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This week I’ve been starting to get back to regular life after my holiday.
February is already shaping up to be a busy month. I start today with
updates to...
Here we are at 21.
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Happy 21st birthday, Johnny Bacardi Show!
Probably won't begin writing here again anytime soon, but hey, if you like
my stuff I have a Substack now and...
Check me out!
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Over the years I have collected a range of recipes to help me lose weight.
I attend Slimming World and achieved my target weight in November 2022.
Read...
This is The End (a follow-up)
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I wrote yesterday about my possibly retiring this space in favor of
migrating all of my blogging to ForgottenStars.net, because of Reasons. I
am now pul...
A Dumb God
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People who believe in God but don’t believe that creation is teleologically
imbued essentially believe in a dumb God, likely a God who merely exists to
ser...
18 and life, you got it
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It's the 18th of April, and that means it's the anniversary of Mia's
accident - 18 (!!!!) years ago today, we were in the crash that damaged her
brain ir...
Sunday Round-up
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Wash your mouth out
In these ultra-hygienic days, Russian artist Yulia Popova has come into her
own by making models of foodstuffs out of soap. What makes y...
I believe ..Religion
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Written by the Rev.Jeannette van der Veen-Bosgra
I believe in a world where all people can live in happiness,
and that I too have a duty to create such a wo...
Tough Day
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A few weeks ago, I turned 38, and I am still under the scrutiny of
strangers in public. One would think that once you're out of grade school,
middle school...
Change
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Group Reading “The only thing we have in this world that is utterly and
intrinsically ours is our integrity.” ~ Mira Grant One- to find the
universal eleme...
Retro Y'all!
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Still jumping. In place, mostly. Someone should do one of these rap battle
style brags about being a junker. Seriously. Big sale at the Peddlers Mall
today.
X is for XMAS
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*MERRY CHRISTMAS (XMAS) EVERYONE!*
I thought I'd put a link to the top 100 Xmas songs for 2017 so you could
click on it and play anything your heart d...
The Myth Memers
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One of those little questionnaires just to dip a toe back into blogging.
Took this from Chris Hull's Facebook.
1. Do you make your bed? No.
2. The first c...
Now available in paperback!
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*Sharp: A Memoir*. William Morrow & Co, 2012. Print.
We lost 4 members of the Guilford High School Class of 84: David Ciardello,
Richard Eaton, Ronnie Burn...
No parallel
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Get a good look at these: Whence they came: After seeing that incredible
glow-in-the-dark Zac Posen dress that Claire Danes wore at the 2016 Met
Gala, Lori...
ABC Wednesday: The Importance of Being Bored
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When I was growing up, you being bored was your problem that you were
responsible to rectify. As children we learned never to be bored- or at
least not t...
Monday PSA: The Pioneer of the Pole
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Click on the image for the full ad As promised, the second of two
Antarctica themed PSAs. Today: “Pioneer of the Pole.” Just like last week,
this is from D...
Final Act
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Dear Followers of Berowne's "Savage Reflections." I'm very sorry to have to
inform you that my father, John Savage, passed away on December 26, just a
week...
Friday Post - Your services are no longer needed
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Heads will roll
While the good news fairies of Wall Street would have you believe that
everything is just hunky dory the truth is it's not. In order to m...
Age is a State of Mind, Somewhere Near Nebraska
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What a year it has been! After surviving the odometer rolling over to 40, I
had a year of sabbatical. That gave me plenty of time to think about my mid-lif...
The End of a Long Day
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You know those days where all you really want to do is change into your
pajamas and curl up on the couch while you decide which comfort food would
mak...
#Freaking Out -AND!
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Calmly completely freaking out about my move. AND! I quit smoking. I feel
this qualifies me to have an opinion on how to do it.
So I am calmly completel...
Gaze Upon My Works and Snicker, Part 53.
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[image: DP700-F365028]
Another quickie sketch at work, because I wanted to draw Pandora A in a
white fuzzy hat (no, I don't know the name for them) and a b...
Superheroes I Love #10: Deathlok
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Every red-blooded boy loves cyborgs. Half-man, half-robot, what’s not to
love? The Marvel Comics character Deathlok is a bit on the obscure side,
but debut...
The Party Crasher
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“Here I am mourning the end of my 6 years as a pampered only child. Suburb
of Paris, 1992.” (submitted by IG @ladame.en.noir )
The post The Party Crashe...
Episode 326: The WGA Strike
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One by one, Ken goes over the many issues the WGA is fighting for and why
they’re important. He also gives an overview of the situation and how it
might...
The dopamine jail of joke Twitter
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I’m home from vacation and the Planet Funny promotional engine is slowing
down. (There’s still one last signing at Powell’s City of Books in two
short week...
Rex Smith: Free speech, pulpit speech and tax laws
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Each school day when I was a little boy began with the Pledge of
Allegiance, followed by all the students bowing their heads to recite the
Lord’s Prayer. T...
Mixed Results for The Rules
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Well that was an “interesting” Emmy Awards. There were enough surprises to
make the alteration of the voting rules to a single round plurality rather
than ...
Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster
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GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off
the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the
Dreesh...
Week 17 NFL Picks
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Last week’s 10 wins leaves me with 153 wins. Weak season. Sorry. Week 17
picks NFL Picks Away Home Chicago Detroit NY Jets Buffalo Tampa Bay Atlanta
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Coverville Countdown 2012: Nominations Begin NOW!
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It’s that time of year again! Time for you to nominate and vote for your
favorite covers, and for me to spend the last few shows of the year to line
them...
Obama’s speech coverage on NPR
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What were the people at NPR thinking? The coverage of President Obama’s
speech on National Public Radio on Wednesday was just awful. I’ve never
minded anal...
2PP132 – 16 May 2020
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This episode was delayed, yet again, because Arthur didn’t have enough
time. Anyway, here we are—were? Today’s chat was about the changes to New
Zealand’s ...
My New Venture: Top Flight Family
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You may have noticed that you haven’t heard much from me lately. That’s
because I’ve been quietly working on new passion of mine, a digital media
startup o...
First blog post
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This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it,
or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you
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10.29.15 GOOGLE UBER ALLES
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This article originally appeared in the 10.29.15 issue of Metroland.
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This Is Not A Joke
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A new ball game - with tasers. Hat-tip : The Volokh Conspiracy According to
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Saturday, June 03, 2006
Love and Marriage: Three Questions
This being June, the traditional month for weddings (though I've never been married in June), I thought I'd ask some questions about matrimony.
I was very interested in the post from Gay Prof last month about gay marriage. One of the things he wrote: "What concerns me is that the discussion of same-sex marriage is largely being shaped without our input."
My heterocentric (is that the word I want?) self was a bit surprised to read that. People I know, including a member of a lesbian couple who is at the heart of a legal challenge by 44 couples suing for equal protection under the law. Elissa (in the picture on the left with partner Lynne) works for a local library.
Yet, I do recognize that well-meaning people DO assume what is best for others, not understanding how patronizing it can be. (I suspect men do this to women more than occasionally, e.g.)
So, I'm really curious:
1. To you, the idea of gay marriage is: a) an anathema to all that is good and holy b) a plot by breeders to make gays "be like them" c) going too far, but those domestic partner arrangements are good enough d) an idea whose time has come e) irrelevant, because marriage is just a statist construct anyway
I choose d.
2. If gay marriage is allowed, how, if at all, will it affect heterosexual marriage? The suggestion that gay marriage will somehow threaten to destroy "the family" as we know it mystifies me. I must be rather thick, because I just don't get it.
3. A local story that has caught my interest is this one: Empire Blue Cross insurance policy covers the domestic partner of a same-sex couple but not an opposite-sex couple. The complainant notes: "Empire's own standards for domestic partner requirements -- as posted on the company's Web site -- were the same for opposite-sex or same-sex couples. He said this policy was discrimination." Presumably, Empire's rationale is that opposite-sex couples could, if they chose to, get married, while same-sex couples don't yet have that legal right.
How do you feel about this case? Does giving domestic partner insurance to opposite sex partners threaten marriage? I'm ambivalent, for I see Empire's point, yet, based on the application of law, I think they're wrong legally. Moreover, I'm in favor of getting closer to a universal health plan, and domestic partnerships, for either gay or straight couples, works in that direction.
BONUS: What makes a good marriage? And/Or: What makes a marriage work?
My answer: Compromise, but not on core values. That you share those core values.
Please feel free to answer these questions in the appropriate place. If you'd like, note your orientation and marital status (or would-be marital status).
5 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I am heterosexual and in the my second marriage. My first marriage ended when my wife decided that a same-sex relationship was more to her liking.
To answer the last question first: I agree with your opinion, Roger. There always has to be give and take in any successful relationship. Sometimes it is tough to find what works best. But your point that the core values need to be shared is a very good and the most important point in my opinion.
For question number one I choose "d" as well.
For question number two, I don't think it would destroy "family", or what we think of it. Like has been mentioned before, there are plenty of divorces out there breaking up families and making it tough on kids. How would same-sex marriage make it different? Like you Roger, maybe I am thick and don't see it.
As for question three, I am not sure what to say, except the obvious. If they legalized same-sex marriages, then they should change coverage policy to only cover married couples of any orientation and their dependents. I am not sure how you can cover someone that isn't married to the employee. There has to be some limits of some sort put into place. If not, someone can rotate partners like a revolving door and give them coverage while living in the same domicile.
My whole take on same-sex marriage is that I support it. If it came to a vote where I personally voted, I would support it. If someone I knew was gay and getting married, whether legally or even if just in ceremony, I would support them. If it was my child, I would support them.
But one interesting point came up in one of those surveys to find out who/what you are on the internet. The question was would you vote for a politician that didn't support same-sex marriages yet fulfilled all your other qualifications as the "right" candidate? My answer was "yes." Though I support it, it is not something I would fight for come election time. Sure that's selfish, but there are some big problems that need to be taken care of in this country. Now the perfect candidate hardly (if ever) comes along. So take it step further, would I vote for the "lesser of two evils" even if they didn't support same-sex marriages? I am not sure what I would do in that situation which is actually more realistic.
d) an idea whose time has come -- and I'd add, an idea whose opposition is fueled strictly by irrational hatred and ignorance.
2. If gay marriage is allowed, how, if at all, will it affect heterosexual marriage?
Well, I suppose some in-denial gay men who married out of fear of being outed might wonder if they made the right choice. As a heterosexual man who's been married for 13 years, it is blatantly obvious that it will have no effect on my marriage whatsoever, just like millions of heterosexual marriages that I am also not involved in have no effect on mine. The great thing about marriage is that the only people who can have an impact on it are those directly involved in it, however many they happen to be, and regardless of whether their pee-pees are on the inside or outside of their bodies.
3. Does giving domestic partner insurance to opposite sex partners threaten marriage?
Domestic partnerships, marriage or civil unions, whatever you want to call them, if they're available they should be available equally and without discrimination. And I agree with you, Roger, about universal health care as well. These issues point to the (pardon the pun) fundamental sickness of American society, a nation that can't talk enough about freedom and opportunity while its laws and national policies promote discrimination, cruelty and disregard for the health and well-being of all its people.
BONUS: What makes a good marriage? And/Or: What makes a marriage work?
Communication, trust, honesty and respect, hopefully aided by lust, affection, joy and at least one partner who is halfway decent with math. And did I mention lust?
The question about health insurance brings up two related questions. (1) why should your health insurance options be determined by who you sleep with? and (2) why should your health insurance options be determined by who you work for?
As a sole proprietor in a non-legally-sanctioned heterosexual relationship, my only option for insurance is to pay the equivalent price of a mortgage payment every month. I figure I'm subsidizing the rates of others who may make more money, but are employed by companies large enough to qualify for group rates.
I am a long-time friend but prefer to be anonymous on this one.
I dated a practicing bi-sexual for four years. I just didn't know, This was a deeply loving relationship but I couldn't abide this person being sexually active with others. It ended sadly with my exit but I've thought a lot about someone's sexual proclivities and have concluded that our sexual identity is determined in our genes.
I am not making excuses for the behavior of my bi-sexual ex and I admit that I still harbor anger that I never received an apology for the hiding and lies but I do believe that we all fit somewhere on the homo- bi - hetereo- sexual continuum, as determined by our genetic make-up.
Yes, I am saying that I believe homosexuality is as genetically based as bi- sexuality and homosexuality.
Thus, it is easier for me to view the marriage debate logically and without religious, cultural, or political bias and therefore to conclude that if two individuals love each other, allow them to marry.
5 comments:
I am heterosexual and in the my second marriage. My first marriage ended when my wife decided that a same-sex relationship was more to her liking.
To answer the last question first: I agree with your opinion, Roger. There always has to be give and take in any successful relationship. Sometimes it is tough to find what works best. But your point that the core values need to be shared is a very good and the most important point in my opinion.
For question number one I choose "d" as well.
For question number two, I don't think it would destroy "family", or what we think of it. Like has been mentioned before, there are plenty of divorces out there breaking up families and making it tough on kids. How would same-sex marriage make it different? Like you Roger, maybe I am thick and don't see it.
As for question three, I am not sure what to say, except the obvious. If they legalized same-sex marriages, then they should change coverage policy to only cover married couples of any orientation and their dependents. I am not sure how you can cover someone that isn't married to the employee. There has to be some limits of some sort put into place. If not, someone can rotate partners like a revolving door and give them coverage while living in the same domicile.
My whole take on same-sex marriage is that I support it. If it came to a vote where I personally voted, I would support it. If someone I knew was gay and getting married, whether legally or even if just in ceremony, I would support them. If it was my child, I would support them.
But one interesting point came up in one of those surveys to find out who/what you are on the internet. The question was would you vote for a politician that didn't support same-sex marriages yet fulfilled all your other qualifications as the "right" candidate? My answer was "yes." Though I support it, it is not something I would fight for come election time. Sure that's selfish, but there are some big problems that need to be taken care of in this country. Now the perfect candidate hardly (if ever) comes along. So take it step further, would I vote for the "lesser of two evils" even if they didn't support same-sex marriages? I am not sure what I would do in that situation which is actually more realistic.
1. To you, the idea of gay marriage is:
d) an idea whose time has come -- and I'd add, an idea whose opposition is fueled strictly by irrational hatred and ignorance.
2. If gay marriage is allowed, how, if at all, will it affect heterosexual marriage?
Well, I suppose some in-denial gay men who married out of fear of being outed might wonder if they made the right choice. As a heterosexual man who's been married for 13 years, it is blatantly obvious that it will have no effect on my marriage whatsoever, just like millions of heterosexual marriages that I am also not involved in have no effect on mine. The great thing about marriage is that the only people who can have an impact on it are those directly involved in it, however many they happen to be, and regardless of whether their pee-pees are on the inside or outside of their bodies.
3. Does giving domestic partner insurance to opposite sex partners threaten marriage?
Domestic partnerships, marriage or civil unions, whatever you want to call them, if they're available they should be available equally and without discrimination. And I agree with you, Roger, about universal health care as well. These issues point to the (pardon the pun) fundamental sickness of American society, a nation that can't talk enough about freedom and opportunity while its laws and national policies promote discrimination, cruelty and disregard for the health and well-being of all its people.
BONUS: What makes a good marriage? And/Or: What makes a marriage work?
Communication, trust, honesty and respect, hopefully aided by lust, affection, joy and at least one partner who is halfway decent with math. And did I mention lust?
The question about health insurance brings up two related questions. (1) why should your health insurance options be determined by who you sleep with? and (2) why should your health insurance options be determined by who you work for?
As a sole proprietor in a non-legally-sanctioned heterosexual relationship, my only option for insurance is to pay the equivalent price of a mortgage payment every month. I figure I'm subsidizing the rates of others who may make more money, but are employed by companies large enough to qualify for group rates.
I'm impressed with your site, very nice graphics!
»
Hi Roger,
I am a long-time friend but prefer to be anonymous on this one.
I dated a practicing bi-sexual for four years. I just didn't know, This was a deeply loving relationship but I couldn't abide this person being sexually active with others. It ended sadly with my exit but I've thought a lot about someone's sexual proclivities and have concluded that our sexual identity is determined in our genes.
I am not making excuses for the behavior of my bi-sexual ex and I admit that I still harbor anger that I never received an apology for the hiding and lies but I do believe that we all fit somewhere on the homo- bi - hetereo- sexual continuum, as determined by our genetic make-up.
Yes, I am saying that I believe homosexuality is as genetically based as bi- sexuality and homosexuality.
Thus, it is easier for me to view the marriage debate logically and without religious, cultural, or political bias and therefore to conclude that if two individuals love each other, allow them to marry.
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